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My New Shoes

Posted 13 months ago|22 comments|654 views
I bet you wished you had shoes like mine
Written by
Paper Tiger
England
I woke up this morning at around 06.00 hours. I scratched my tired old head, put my feet on the floor and went to the bathroom. My mouth was dry so I went into my kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee, white no sugar. I heard a meow, it was my cat Molly wanting to come in. I lifted myself off the stool and opened the back door. Molly jumped on to the work surface and kept on butting me on the head, just like lions do.

I then went to the cupboard and gave the cat some food. Looking out of my window there was a hint of pink in the dark morning sky, looks like it will be a nice day. Because the morning looked good I decided to have another cup, get the caffeine into the system. I don't drink de-caff I live life in the fast lane.

Off I went and showered and shaved, a good aftershave, and some talc, I was all shiny, ready for the day. I put some bead in the toaster, thick cut, and had some toast with real butter, again only the fast lane for me. Having had my toast I went to the front room to watch the news, as it is Saturday it was all sports so I turned it off.

"What shall I do today"? I asked myself, go shopping, play golf, read the papers, the options were endless. Then it hit me! I've got some new shoes, trainers I'll put them on. So off to the wardrobe and picked up the box and took it back to the front room. As I removed the lid I realized there was some tissue paper, used for packing, that cheered me up. The packing was poked all the way inside the shoes right down to the toes. When taking the paper out I thought, as it was on the front room floor, that how can they get so much paper inside a pair of shoes. The mind boggles.

So there they were, (out of the box) how ya doing box?, on my front room carpet they looked smashing. My problem now was to think what colour socks shall I put on with these, black, white or multi coloured.

I was a bit confused as socks are important. So I went into the bedroom to wake up my wife. Vigerously shaking her shoulder she woke up with a start, a look of panic in her sleepy face. "What"? she said, with a little bit of anger in her voice. "Sorry dear but I can't decide what socks to wear with my new shoes"? My wife jumped out of bed and flew over to the sock drawer. "You should have wakened me earlier" she said and she came over to me with some black socks with little aligators on them.

So the dilemma was solved and I put on my new shoes. They were fantastic, I seemed to float around the house, I was a different man. If my legs could speak they would have said "thank you". So now I was dressed and ready, I was going down to the shop to get a news paper.

As I walked towards the shop a stranger crossed over the road and said, with his eyes wide with amazement, "I like your shoes," he said, "Are they comfortable"? "Yes," I said, "It,s not like walking it's like floating." The stranger looked me in the eye and said with conviction, "You are a very lucky man, very lucky," Then off he went. As I floated into the paper shop the man behind the counter remarked,"Where did you get those beauties." So I told him and I could see he was impressed, so impressed he let me have my newspaper for free.

So off I floated back home sat down in my comfy chair, put a stool under my legs so I could look at my shoes as I read my paper. "What a fantastic morning I have had so far I wonder what the afternoon will bring"? To cut a long story short I made loads of new friends that day, I also ran into my boss who gave me a huge pay rise. Women flocked to see my shoes, cars beeped their horns as they drove
past.

I also bought a lottery ticket, and I won millions of pounds, if it were not for my shoes I would not have bothered going out again to get the ticket. So I have now moved to Hollywood, networks are pleading with me to do a talk show and my wife has had a face lift and her boobs done. Who would have thought a pair of shoes could change your life so drastically, not me.
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COMMENTS
13 months ago: I had to throw my new shoes away after stepping in a load of dog dung. I don't know what they fed that dog. I couldn't get the smell off those new shoes.
Paper Tiger
Paper Tiger
England
13 months ago: Maybe if your having trouble getting the smell off your shoes, it might not be your shoes, try this. Fill a bowl of warm water and add two teaspoons of ACME anti dog poo into the bowl. Now take off your shoes and socks. Gently lower your feet into the water and wriggle your toes. Leave them in the water for 5 minutes and Hey Presto the smell has gone. Only downside Cypress you threw you shoes away for nothing.
13 months ago: Since I have already taken my bath. I'll try that next week. How does it react to lye soap?
Paper Tiger
Paper Tiger
England
13 months ago: Hi Cypress I remember the old lye soap having a bar of lard shoved in your ears cleaned them so well you could hear your nieghbours talking about you from a mile up the road. As you bought up lye soap I thought I would dig a little deeper.

Up until the 1850s, when the general stores started stocking provisions, folks made most of their household supplies themselves, including lye soap. Three ingredients went into the making of lye soap: lard, lye, and lots of hard work.

Lard was rendered and saved for soap-making from the annual hog kill that took place at the time of the first hard frost in autumn. Lye was made from the ashes left over from the wood stoves.

Most people kept a wooden bin with a side spigot just outside the house, into which they'd dump their ashes. When it came time to make lye soap, they poured water through the ashes and siphoned off the liquid lye.

The third ingredient of lye soap had to be supplied by a pair of hard working hands.
Paper Tiger
Paper Tiger
England
13 months ago: Did I remember to say these shoes were made by ACME?
georgeberaobama
georgeberaobama
Blakely Island, WA
13 months ago: Hi Tiger.

This post takes me back to my childhood and the story's my father told me. My dad used to live on the shores of lake Victoria in Kenya. There were no shops hence no shoes. As a boy, my father used to run about everywhere in bare feet, his feet were hard and leathery so he did not have to wear shoes.

Then one day they built a new church in the village and my dad was enrolled to go to Sunday School. His parents had some old cloth in his lean to and they made a suit out of this cloth. This cloth was from an old canvas tent left over from WW11. It was about a 8th of a inch thick so it was hard to cut and sow it to make it fit my dad. When it was made it stood up on its own so my dad never had to fold it up or put it on a hanger, his parents had put turn ups on the bottom of his trousers, sleeves of the jacket and the jacket and trousers had huge pleats in them so as he got older he could adjust the suit. He never forgot these huge scissors used to cut the canvas they had ACME written all over them.

Now my granddad was a fair tailor but he wood work skills were lacking. He got dad to put on the new suit to see have the fit was. It was OK. My grandfather then told my dad to walk across the room to see if it rode well.

Now this suit was so stiff he walked about like the robot in They Day The World Stood Still, the original one. I think K 2 was the name. And when he got to the end of the room he could not turn around. My grandfather threw some water on the joints to help the canvas bend at the knees and the elbows. But it was no good the canvas was water proof. So they had an idea, my grandfather would carry my father out to the road and point him in the direction of the church. This they tried many times as my dad kept on missing the door so he would be stuck up against the wall. So after many tries they got it right.

Now I mentioned earlier that my family did not have any woodwork skills. So for days my grandfather sat with his head in his hands deep in thought.

Then one morning he went to the lean to and marched off down the road with an axe and a saw. Several hours later he returned carrying two big round bits of wood the he had chopped a tree down and sawed through two pieces of the trunk. He then got two strips of leather and nailed the stripes to the round pieces of wood, and there they were, my fathers first pair of shoes.

He went every where with these round shoes, they made him walk a bit odd but who cares? He would play football in the local team he was the star player, sometimes the only player as the other were severely injured.

Anyway the big day came, the church opening. He put on his canvas suit, there was a point in the back of the jacket which used to be the top of the tent, but the tent flaps had been crafted as the front of the jacket, and the tent pole holes gave some ventilation.

My grand father lifted my dad up on his shoulders and carried my dad out to the road and pointed him towards the new church. They strapped on the big round shoes and off he went. Now the church was only a few yards away but it took my dad hours to get there. When he did get there the service had finished and every one had gone home. In the early hours of the next morning my grandfather herd a knock on the door, it was my dad back from church.

So Tiger, my father used to tell me that story before I went to sleep at night, but it was such a long story it was time to get up before he had finished. But he would say to me they where the best shoes he had ever had. The now take pride and place in the loft.

Paper Tiger
Paper Tiger
England
13 months ago: Hi George.
You don't know what you've got till is gone.
georgeberaobama
georgeberaobama
Blakely Island, WA
13 months ago: You are spot on there Tiger.
Abelink
Abelink
Carbonado, WA
13 months ago: Hi Tiger.

That's what I miss most living in the mist is a comfortable, well made pair of shoes. When I was alive my feet were a size 14. I had my boots blown off at Gettysburg. I was fortunate I had a spare pair, ACME I think they were, but take it from me if I did not have them boots there would have been no Gettysburg Address and the North would have lost the war.
georgeberaobama
georgeberaobama
Blakely Island, WA
13 months ago: While you are here Abe, what was your biggest problem you had as president? I know you had a slavery issue, and a war, but beside those what did you find the hardest?
georgeberaobama
georgeberaobama
Blakely Island, WA
13 months ago: While you are here Abe, what was your biggest problem you had as president? I know you had a slavery issue, and a war, but beside those what did you find the hardest?
Paper Tiger
Paper Tiger
England
13 months ago: Hi George

It's amazing what you can do if you have to. Do you still have the suit?
Paper Tiger
Paper Tiger
England
13 months ago: Hi Abe.
All I can say is, thank goodness for ACME
Abelink
Abelink
Carbonado, WA
13 months ago: Thank goodness indeed.
Paper Tiger
Paper Tiger
England
13 months ago: Hi a little bit of history on ACME

The company is clearly defined and appears to be a conglomerate which produces every type of product imaginable, no matter how elaborate or extravagant - none of which ever work as desired or expected.

An example is the Acme Giant Rubber Band, subtitled "(For Tripping Road Runners)", which appears to be produced specifically for Wile E. Coyote. Further proof of Acme's inferior products is shown in a commercial for a Bat-man suit that Wile E. Coyote previously purchased.

Acme states the suit is guaranteed "for the life of the user." The vast variety of products has nurtured the assumption that ACME is in fact an acronym for "A Company Making Everything".

While their products leave much to be desired, Acme delivery service is second to none; Wile E. can merely drop an order into a mailbox (or enter an order on a website, as in the Looney Tunes: Back in Action movie), and have the product in his hands within seconds.

friend
friend
England
13 months ago: I am having a bi-polar moment please excuse me.
georgeberaobama
georgeberaobama
Blakely Island, WA
13 months ago: Hmmm Socks with Aligaters, That could catch on.
georgeberaobama
georgeberaobama
Blakely Island, WA
13 months ago: Abe, besides slavery and a civil war, what was the biggest problem you had running the country?
friend
friend
England
13 months ago: Tiger.
How much did your wife pay for a face lift and a boob job?
friend
friend
England
13 months ago: Hi Friend

My wife got he treatment free. Only bit of bad news is she now has a beard.
friend
friend
England
13 months ago: Hi Friend

My wife got he treatment free. Only bit of bad news is she now has a beard.
Abelink
Abelink
Carbonado, WA
13 months ago: If your face lift pulls your pubic hairs on to you chin then you must shave.

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