Written by
In what's perhaps the greatest upset in modern lechery, John F. Kennedy has recorded the ultimate victory against Tiger Woods to take the 2009 championship.
Scoring one naked birdie after another in the choppy links off the Mediterranean Sea, Kennedy was triumphant but utterly exhausted as he conquered the hilly & undulating greens. Tiger Woods was not magnanimous in defeat as he claimed that the evidence for his opponents victory was a fake but the fiery competitor promised to mount a comeback in 2010.
As he bathed in victory, John Kennedy became emotional and dedicated his victory to his father and offered advice to Woods; "my father Joseph distilled me in the values of dissipation, dissoluteness, lasciviousness, and licentiousness. I know Tiger thought he had it in the bag but naked avarice and the pursuit of power is what carried the day; you must think of your conquests as nothing more than a newspaper that you peruse today and dispose of tomorrow."