SOME things in life I want to forget, yet it is those years that has made me more of what I am today... stronger. The things that hurt me most as a youth, were those things that I would hear from teachers and influential people in my life. It wasn't that their words were harsh... quite the opposite... it was their words of praise and hope that really killed me.
It wasn't that I didn't want to hear those things... it is just that I didn't want to hear those things from them... I wanted to hear those things from my dad.
OUT of all the people in my life, it was my father's love that I needed the most... yet my behavior showed the opposite. The most rebellious out of the family and the most troubled... I made my mark... as my dad made his. One thing was for certain,
I was afraid of nothing outside of my home... I guess that made me ready for the world. Needing to be close to the one who was furthest away... in those years, it seemed much like my relationship with God.
SOMETHING happened in those years that changed everyone in our family... my mother got real sick with MS, and became an invalid soon after... my dad was a hard man,
and if it wasn't for that he would have broke easily because of mom's sickness. The very hardness that was apart of my dad's life... now became necessary to survive what was coming next. 30 years, my mother was practically an invalid... and for 30 years I witnessed the roughest man in my life, become the most loving.
Recently I had to fill out a profile of characteristics that were in my parents... so many of those things I saw in my dad were in me as well. With a closer look and doing some math, I found that the years that my dad was hardest on me, was when life was hardest on him... with an ailing wife, holding down two jobs... I realize I never gave him any slack. My rebellion only added to his torment... I have now come to see the whole thing from another's perspective. Life could have been better if I was more supportive. I know this because my sons are, and have always been a blessing to me.
WE don't always get what we want, but it seems the needs get taken care of, if we are honest... the love that I was looking for was right there in front of me all the time... lived out 24/7 for the one who needed it most. The words of comfort and support were better suited for my mom who was weak, and only getting weaker...
while I was strong and only getting stronger.
IT hasn't been until recently that I have been able to see it... the strong parts of me are from my dad... I appreciate all the pig-headed stubbornness that allows me to never give up. Compassion and tenderness on the other hand, comes from my (late) mom; with a willingness to understand that surprise even me. Any of the bad things I have endured only has made me better and not bitter.
MY dad's 80th celebration this year, and we are planning on the family reunion that will be a part of that... looking forward to seeing the man who has made me part of what I am today. As I look forward to my final days... I look forward to seeing the Man and God... who has made all good things possible. THANK YOU JESUS...
I Want to be Just Like You... Happy Fathers Day!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-SpJ8Rs2..."And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)