Offbeat

Rave

Did You Ever Wonder Why Muslims Blow Themselves Up?

Posted 23 months ago|42 comments|1,166 views
VIDEOS
Written by
Did you ever wonder why Muslims had so many men and women willing to blow themselves into little itty bitty pieces?

Well, my simple mind did, and guess what I came up with.

They have no Jesus Christ, no Christmas, no Christmas trees, no televisions, no Dallas Cowboy or USC (that's southern California) cheerleaders, no nudity, no Hooters, no Daytona 500 or no Bristol Motor Speedway, no football, no basketball, no diving into mud holes, no 4th of July, no snowball fights, no pork rinds, no pork Bar BQ, no hot dogs, no double cheeze, bacon, hold the pickles and onion hamburgers, no shrimp, no lobster, no thongs, no spectating beach vollyball, no Walmart, no nachos, no beer (!), and no beer nuts.

And they have to where sheets for clothes and towels for hats to boot!

Everybody in his neighborhood and in his family is sick all the time because there are no doctors, and there is a guy hanging out in the top of a tall tower wailing and wailing at all odd hours.

Nobody in his neighborhood and in his family takes showers or baths, and they get their heat from burning camel dung.

And when they relieve themselves, they go where they are and they don't use corn cobs or a SearsRoebuck catalogue or anything whatsoever!

And, a bunch of them have more than 1 wife, all at the same time! And somebody else picks your wife for you.

And, these guys can't shave, and their wives can't shave to boot!

I think I figured it out.

EMAIL|FLAG THIS POST
COMMENTS
23 months ago: Mr. Layton:

Hilarious advertisement called "Master of Arts in Diplomacy".
Alex Layton
Alex Layton
 Administrator
Puyallup, WA
23 months ago: I wish I could take credit for hilariously ironic advertisements, but I can't. Those are randomly generated by Google, based on keywords in your post.
Siempre Solo
Siempre Solo
Auburn, NY
23 months ago: I’ve always felt that terrorism of the Islamic variety is nothing that a little chocolate and Disney can’t cure! They are truly jealous. Just look at the lives of their so called martyrs from sleeper cells before they go Kabloomie. They drink and party. I wish someone would tell them that they don’t have to die to be happy. That G-d wants all of us to be happy right here and now. Loving G-d has nothing to do with explosions. Nice rant RSG, thanks!
Altruist
Altruist
Eugene, OR
23 months ago: Yeah, if we could package up all of our pornography, alcoholism, obesity problems, rampant consumerism, and mindless addiction to seeing grown men play children's games, and ship all of that stuff to the middle east, it would help the United States and it would give them something else to worry about, they'd all become trailer trash.

Ouch! Does that stereotype hurt?

By the way did you know the country with the most Muslims is Indonesia. No Deserts!
Siempre Solo
Siempre Solo
Auburn, NY
23 months ago: Altruist,

I think the point RSG was making in his sarcastic rightwing way is: They lack the simple pleasures of building a life they can enjoy in the here and now. I don’t like most of the things RSG mentioned but I have my own list I can substitute in its place and I’m sure they do too. But the lives they live over there are in complete control by military dictators that moonlight as religious leaders. Places like Iran after their cultural revolution lost a lot of freedoms that made life livable for Muslims.

Indonesia’s other religion before there was Islam is Buddhism whose main tenet is “nothing is real. Reality is an illusion. Our attachment to it causes pain. Let go.” They went from poverty to militantism. In much the same way that the Philippines Muslim community has embraced radical Islam rather than a faith that fosters a fulfilling life here and now. The point RSG was making is that this is what they lack and I agree 100%. Christianity offers hope for the future but it begins that hope right here and now and they need that. Sorry to say but they need Jesus!
23 months ago: Siempre:

Thanks. We agree. Wow!

Al.

Don't like America, huh?
Siempre Solo
Siempre Solo
Auburn, NY
23 months ago: Your welcome! We do Agree. I'm not surprised! I told you there are conservative aspects to my views that you could agree with. Just ask Rudi. He has read some of my rants on labor (before I deleted them.)that he saw as conservative.
23 months ago: Looking at where all of the posts have been heading the last few days. I would have to say the root cause is circumcision.
everthecynic
everthecynic
23 months ago: Is that anything like those times when the guy on television takes a thump to the jewels and every other guy cross country who happens to be watching said show all cringe in simultaneously? Paging Dr. Freud......
everthecynic
everthecynic
23 months ago: oops I meant to say in unison
Altruist
Altruist
Eugene, OR
23 months ago: I think I may actually agree with Red here too. One of the main reasons that Islam is angry with the West is that their economic system hasn't been very successful. While their Sheiks have big gobs of money from their oil, they haven't seen fit to spread the wealth to their subjects. There wouldn't be nearly as much anger if these guys could make a decent living so they can support their families. They need to develop a middle class which Red defines as having the leisure of big screen TV's so they can watch cheerleader bouncing boobys while sucking down a cool one.


The top brass in Al Queda are educated but they are recruiting desperate young people with little prospect of a good life.
Giving everyone in the world jobs, education, and a few of the other basics like sanitation and water would do more to promote peace than anything our military could do.
23 months ago: Whoa!

I may need to quit while I'm on top.
markbyrn
markbyrn
 Moderator
23 months ago: As soon as I saw the title of this topic, I correctly guessed that it belonged to RSG. Is there any religion you won't castigate besides your own? I saw your "Buddism, huh?" comment on the Tiger Woods post. What evil can you pin on Buddhism?
A Canadian
A Canadian
Canada
23 months ago: I've argued this assertion among friends myself for a long time - although I chose a different assortment of "comforts" as examples, RSG echoed the principle completely. Interesting place this Internet =)

When the majority of a populous lacks advancement both economically & technologically, while elite groups & leaders live in lavish comfort - how can they help but feel envious of entire cultures where the average person enjoys a life that they could never hope for for their own families? How disheartening must it be, to be born to a culture thousands of years old, who is so far behind the youngest culture's on earth in advancement, that by comparison you feel like cavemen?

Man is a proud animal - whether his religion dictates he should be or not. To be fully aware of the bounty that exists on earth and yet be denied, generation after generation - breeds an animosity that is easily fueled by religious zealots. It isn't the Muslim religion, it is the regime hiding behind it.

I do take issue with the statement that they need Jesus, or Christianity though. Neither Jesus or Christianity had anything to do with the affluence the Western world enjoys. In fact, had Christianity gotten over it's obsession with keeping women subservient, the advancements we might have enjoyed centuries sooner are innumerable. Democracy is the reason we excel so far beyond more aged cultures - democracy, and like it or not, capitalism. Democracy gives us the freedom not to be held back or down, by ANY religion - we are free to choose our beliefs and free to follow our hearts.

For the anti-democratic though...The only non-democratic culture equaling ours in advancement is China, who have been smart enough to realize that everyone has potential - man, woman, child - and their religion is not predominantly Christian is it? Yet they too enjoy every advancement and often many more (or at least sooner because they invent the technology!) of the "comforts" of the lives we live in this century.
23 months ago: (or at least sooner because they invent the technology!)? HUH?

Don't you mean knock-off and reverse engineer our technology?
Siempre Solo
Siempre Solo
Auburn, NY
23 months ago: Sorry A Canadian,

But I disagree with your assertion that Christianity has nothing to do with it. I agree with you that other factors such as Democracy and Capitalism are integral to the success of Western culture and lifestyle but you must remember that culture always has a spiritual component to it, and in the case of the West it is like it or not Christianity. Christianity works well with democracy and capitalism because the teachings of Jesus focused on Mercy, Altruism, Charity and Equality. These ideals help balance out principles that offer no moral compass but instead encourage a majority voice and as much as one can get on their own. These two principles if left by themselves leave a person feeling empty. Couple them with the values of the Christian faith and all of a sudden you have a life worth living.

Becoming insanely wealthy is not immoral if like Bill gates we use large chunks of it to help our fellow human beings. Nor is having a majority voice robbing the rights of the minority if the majority use their collective voice to help the disenfranchised. This is not to say that people should become Christians. It is just to say that Christianity holds to values that bring the western way of life to life. That’s the beauty of the Christian faith, that unlike Islam which demands the worship of their deity. Christians are given a choice.
A Canadian
A Canadian
Canada
23 months ago: Some Christian values may have assisted in bringing the Western way of life to life as you said - but those that did are the same values universally shared by many religions, ie: mercy, altruism, charity (I will not agree with equality because most religions are only now coming, and grudgingly at that, around to assimilating equality into their doctrines).

Our innate FREEDOM is why Christianity is allowed it prevalence, along with all the other religions - Christianity itself did not afford us our freedoms, and those freedoms Christianity affords us now (remember the rules of Christianity and it's retributions have historically been rather harsh, sometimes brutal beyond what any rational person these days would accept) is done only because if it had not, it would have lost it's followers relative to the expanding education of man.

It is the ever expanding education of human beings that allow such diversity in religious beliefs - not the other way around.

Science is that which affords religion the means to do good in this world, all the praying by all the religions in all the world won't fill your cup with clean water if it refuses to rain for 40 days and 40 nights =)
Altruist
Altruist
Eugene, OR
23 months ago: I agree 100% with Canadian. I don't think Christianity goes well with free market capitalism. remember Jesus threw out the money changers and would have been appalled at the rampant consumerism. I understand that you are saying that the altruistic aspects of Christianity are moderating the amoral nature of capitalism, but if Christians really followed the teachings of Jesus they would probably still be driving carriages like the Amish.
I think the Confucianism of the Chinese is actually a better moderating influence on their rampant capitalism because it fosters more of a feeling of sacrificing for the good of the community.
China has seen more change in the past 20 years than we have seen in the past 150 years, and they have brought more people out of abject poverty than the world has ever seen. Unfortunately they made the decision to sacrifice things like safety standards, pollution controls, and sanitation to achieve those changes, but now that they have a growing middle class those people are demanding less pollution and better working conditions.

I agree that education and science are key to development. The Chinese value those things much more than our current populace does, and religion has nothing to do with it..
23 months ago: Mark:

Buddism obviously isn't doing much for Tiger. It does nothing for me.

Dang Siempre:

If we agree again, for the 3rd time, on something, you may be right that I'm a liberal, or you are a conservative.

Ms. Gunuck:
(I hope that is not an insult. I consider it a term of endearment for our northern buddies. Please advise if I am mistaken.)
In my limited mind, I consider your view to having the cart pull the horse.
I think you are incorrect.

Al.
You wear different shaded glasses than I do. Actually, you see things completely OPPOSITE. Capitalism is necessarily moral. People are free to utilize their G-d given gifts. But, we may be starting a new rant.
I'm sorry you see things that way.
markbyrn
markbyrn
 Moderator
23 months ago: ...Buddism obviously isn't doing much for Tiger. It does nothing for me...

And Christianity did nothing for Mark Sanford, John Ensign, Ted Haggard, Jimmy Swaggart, and on and on. Christians are no more supernaturally righteous than the next religion and it's no more curative than a rabbits foot. Also, Tiger admitted in his speech that he had drifted away from Buddhism - sounds like the same type of excuse that Christians use when they 'drift'.

For one religion to call out another is pretty much just the pot calling the kettle black.
23 months ago: Mark:

You're obviously well educated, but, sometimes, I am unsure if you're missing the point.

Christians understand that we, every last one of us, are sinners. We, every last one of us, will always fall short. Period.

The only salvation is G-d's grace. Period. (If we (try to) walk the walk though, G-d may be more willing to spread his grace upon us.)

We are not supposed to judge anyone. Period.

But, we all fall short. Every last one of us.

As far as me calling out Buddists, I understand the only way to everlasting life is through Jesus Christ. Period.

However, if I show up in heaven and find Budda sitting there "criss cross apple sauce", like an Indian, I hope he still invites me in.
markbyrn
markbyrn
 Moderator
23 months ago: I'm familiar with the religious right Christian theology but you're missing the point. What you believe and what's reality are two different things.

...We are not supposed to judge anyone. Period....

What's your definition of judge anyone? You seem to be pretty good at throwing out heaps of judgment to your political and religious foes.

...As far as me calling out Buddists, I understand the only way to everlasting life is through Jesus Christ. Period...

So you're admitting that Christianity is no more effective in any supernatural or practical except in this ethereal and imaginary afterlife sense?

...However, if I show up in heaven and find Budda sitting there "criss cross apple sauce", like an Indian, I hope he still invites me in....

Nah, you'll just be reincarnated as a Buddhist somewhere in Asia.
A Canadian
A Canadian
Canada
23 months ago: RSG - Ganuck away, I can't say I get it but I'm not easily offended either way so it's all good =)
In my limited mind, I consider your view to having the cart pull the horse.
I think you are incorrect.

I cannot argue against your statement, I believe it is 100% honest and accurate.

Your mind is indeed limited, as all good Christian minds must be in order to belong (this is not an insult, all followers of any conviction are limited by the laws governing that conviction).

If you did not consider my view regarding the influence of Christianity on our freedom to be in opposition to your own, you would be a hypocrite to your own beliefs - you do not strike me as a hypocritical man. So indeed, in your view I am incorrect...

...and thanks to the educated evolution and advancement in modern, rational thinking - my head shall remain firmly attached at the neck and we both shall live to wave at each other from opposite sides of the field again =)

23 months ago: Whatever you do...

Don't call him a goat farmer.
23 months ago: Must be nice to have an unlimited mind. Where is Timothy O'Leary?
Can I pile on?

Hey Red. You jello brained, inbred, toothless, 12 fingered, donkey loving, sheep sticking, hog squalling, squaw calling, truck driving, wood burning, gas spewing, tobacco dipping, swilling REDNECK.

Ready for a Bar-B-Que?

Tag, your it.
23 months ago: Cypress:

Where you been cous?
23 months ago: Working my butt off keeping people employed. Giving up yet another vacation keeping people employed. Ungrateful schmucks.
23 months ago: Amen brother.

Ditto.

You rich sob.
23 months ago: What is really funny Red. Most of these people seem us as dumb southern white trash. Thinking we live in houses with wheels. While in reality we are the ones that keep the machine operating. Only simple minded folks like us have that ability in such times. Only people with true work ethics from the old counrty which was BEATEN into us by our parents have the ability to keep the machine operating in such times. Only DUMB SOBs like us give up vacation and work weekends to keep the machine functioning. Frankly, I say to those that think badly of RED. Your probably going to be standing in front of him asking for a job. So you better CHILL a bit. Me.. I'll see right through you and have a simple pre-employement test after you pass the intense company background check. You ride with me for a day. If I have to say ''pick it up'' more than twice your gone.
23 months ago: Mark:

Definition of not judging anyone to me is: I've got enough of my own faults and problems to worry about anybody else but me.

But I do cheer for everyone else, including you Mark, to see the light. The bright light.

My foes are free to believe what they want. I care as much about what they think and do as much as I care how much laundry you have to do tomorrow.

The problem is when they get in my face and insist that I accept and wrap their warped beliefs with a good housekeeping seal. Do what you want, but not where my young children have to see it.

I'm not judging anybody.

"So you're admitting that Christianity is no more effective in any supernatural or practical except in this ethereal and imaginary afterlife sense?"

No, I don't think thta's what I'm admitting. The only way in this wide, wide world of sports to be happy is through Jesus Christ. Without him, one can never appreciate or understand what is going on. Period. (That's what I mean.)

You are funny though. Maybe I'd come back and be married to a babe from Sweden with millions of dollars and a holier than though attitude.
23 months ago: Actually, to judge as an individual is the meaning. Clearly the jury is true if it is 12 as one judge from each tribe.
23 months ago: And Cousin Cypress:

You're mighty close, and it's spooky.

Tennessee saved your Texas a$$.
23 months ago: I wonder if they know what kitchen matches are use for.

Toothless picks.
23 months ago: Horse dung. We made ya'll famous.
23 months ago: Might take some trackin' but I'm sure I still have relations in Bledsoe County. Do they need to come a visitin'?
23 months ago: Bledsoe County is really pretty. When east Tennessee secedes from Tennessee, your relatives will have a decision to make.
23 months ago: and if the come a visting, make sure they bring a couple of chickens with em.
23 months ago: When people have no hope they are capable of any evil, antisocial, or destructive act. When people hate their lives and themselves it is impossible for them to really love anyone else. They don't have the tools.

From bullying to terrorism it all boils down to the same type of insecurity. Any person who is willing to destroy their own physical life as well as those of others around them is a seriously lost individual.
Siempre Solo
Siempre Solo
Auburn, NY
23 months ago: Mark, Buddhism only offers a temporary escape from the reality of suffering. That is the essence of the philosophy. It is not even a religion to most Buddhist.

Christianity on the other hand as can be defined in the teachings of Jesus only, not only defines the problem of suffering but explains where it came from, why it’s here and how it can be eradicated. It can be said that if Buddhism is pain medication for what ills humanity then the teachings of Jesus are the cure.

Islam of itself does not define the cause of suffering or its cure either, nor does it offer hope for the wayfaring soul, wearied from his travels in a hopeless life of meaninglessness. It only asks for strict obedience or else.

Jesus on the other hand extends mercy and forgiveness to the broken. He is the healer of broken lives. Muslims blow themselves up because they have no hope. They are very much ready to cash in their chips and quit.

They are often times afraid of western wealth because they feel we’ve sold our souls to the devil but they don’t understand that our consumerism is just a part of who we are. Altruist has said and A Canadian echoed it that the values that can be found in the teachings of Jesus can be universally applied without one having to be a Christian. I have said this too which is why I say that Muslims who want to blow them selves up need Jesus because they currently have no concept of Western style ethics and besides, they need to know that someone loves them and doesn’t want them to hurt anymore and those are Jesus teachings. So what’s up with that? Are you down for denying them hope?

Give them a value system based on forgiveness instead of retribution and give them a system that allows them to build their own dreams in the here and now and what you get is a happy people.

Yes RSG once again we both agree emphatically! Mark Byrn would say it is because we are both religious. You from the Christian Right and I from the Christian Left. Although I’ve tried to tell him there is no such thing as a Christian left but maybe you can explain that to him,.
23 months ago: Mark.

What Siempre said.

Right and left is worldly. We were made this way.
Siempre Solo
Siempre Solo
Auburn, NY
23 months ago: Woe is ye who hath not heard the word of the Amish King, nor commented on his witty prose! Be ye warned that he hath returned! The Amish King hath returned. Why tarrieth thou? Away peasants and peons go and engage the King in texted discourse. GO! http://www.rantrave.com/Rave/Im-Back-Han...
19 months ago: Who is willing to suicide? People who have given up about Life. When there is little or no future for self, family or for one's group, then a person might be willing to suicide. But when there is potential future, when a person can see some betterment for himself or his fellow, then he is less likely to.

Historical examples of people willing to suicide can be found with Japan when they were losing the war. And with Nazi Germany when they were losing the war.

Little or no future, where there is no game to live for, there is where you find people willing to suicide.

Post a Comment
Sign in or sign up to post a comment.