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As a card-carrying member of the Holy Cult of the Snuggie, I am proud to endorse yet another fine As Seen On TV product.
Do you dislike wiping your butt after you poo? Do you find toilet paper “disgusting” and “archaic?”
You need the Comfort Wipe! Make sure you watch the commercial to the left.
It starts, like all infomercials, by explaining why you need the product – the Comfort Wipe helps extend your reach so you can wipe your enormous, filthy butt!
The Comfort Wipe is absurd. The “18-inch extender wand” doesn’t really do much. It has some serious design flaws, too:
- You still need to fold the toilet paper before you stick it on the Comfort Wipe.
- The mechanics required to use the Comfort Wipe while sitting on the toilet are ghastly to imagine.
- A typical wiping, ejecting, and reloading cycle must take forever!
Further notes:
0:20 – “Follows the contours of your body?” What?
0:23 – “It’s as easy to use as a shower brush!” Nothing beats comparing your bath brush to a stick you use to wipe your butt.
0:41 – “Being a big guy certainly has its advantages…” Like what? Being able to beat the 72-ounce steak challenge?
1:37 – “A fifty dollar value for only $19.99!” A quick website check shows that the total (with shipping and handling) will really be $36… just saying.
Finally, the marketing wizards over at Comfort Wipe HQ missed out on an up-selling opportunity: the Comfort Wipe family pack! If you’re the kind of person that will actually buy a Comfort Wipe, you probably need more than one. You don’t want to share your butt-stick with your relatives! You need a multi-colored Comfort Wipe package so each family member will remember which “extender wand” is theirs.
Can you imagine raising the kids for 18 years on the Comfort Wipe, then sending them off to college? They’d probably have an aneurysm when they found out people didn’t use it on a daily basis.
I can’t wait to tell all the obese and elderly people in my life all about the Comfort Wipe. Spread the word!
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