What the hell happened to people having a sense of humor? I had to take a urine sample to the lab the other day as part of my company's annual physical policy. Since my wife works at the front desk of said lab, I thought this would be an opportune time to mess with my wife.
I went home for lunch, to take my "sample", and also grabbed an old plastic milk gallon jug from the recycle bin. I went down into the pantry, grabbed a large bottle of apple juice, and headed to the lab to meet my wife.
Unknown to me, my wife left work to go home for lunch.
You can see where this is going.
I filled the milk jug with apple juice and went to the lab. Before I walked in, I messed my hair up, slapped my face to make it red, and started to hyperventilate to make it look like I was out of breath. I held the milk bottle at my side and fumbled up to the counter, expecting to see my wife, but instead saw a young girl in my wife's chair.
So I hesitated. Should I do it? I figured, what the hell, and gave her my best show. Now, you should know that the sample containers come with a pre printed label on them, with a number instead of a name, for privacy, so I wasn't worried about the lab knowing I was their co-worker's husband. Armed with this knowledge, I slammed the milk jug on the counter and between deep breaths told the girl,
"Here is my urine sample...You don't know how much it hurt to fill this thing this morning...Do you think I could have a drink of water? I'm awful thirsty..."
I didn't know the human eye could open that big.
This poor girl was saved by the another lady who was working back there. She said in a serious tone that I was not to use my own container, but the one provided to me by my doctor. I held up my real sample with a smile on my face, waiting for the laughs.
I didn't know you could hear crickets in an office building.
I left my sample, grabbed my jug and got the hell out of there. Now here is my question: where is everyone's sense of humor these days? I spent a good amount of time trying to make these ladies in that stuffy lab giggle, and not only did I not get a laugh, I was shut down and made to feel like an idiot. (no comments on that, please.)
To everyone out there reading this, lighten up, please. If someone tries to brighten your day, make the effort to appreciate it, even if you don't think it's funny. Stop being so serious, make the effort to have fun and enjoy your life. If you are not having a laugh once in a while, why are you here? Do us all a favor and find a nice hole in the ground, get in, and cover yourself up.
What happened when my wife got home that night?
That will be my next rant.
Peace,
Amishking.