What common activities make you a terrorist?

Posted 32 months ago|13 comments|1,825 views
TSA Scan of a common terrorist
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NDAA (National Defense Authorization Act) allows authorities to indefinitely detain and torture anybody suspected of terrorist activities. Since you are probably not a fan of water boarding, you need to know what activities could land you in trouble and place you on the "suspects" list.

Shopping mall trouble

- Taking pictures or video of your family while in the shopping mall makes you a suspected terrorist. If you must, use your camera only at home.

- Wearing coat out of season. Dress according to the season or your bulky attire will make you a target for indefinite detention.

- If you do not know where the toilet is, cross your legs and suffer. Unknowingly stumbling into restricted area is a water boarding offense.

- Do not stand too long in front of fur or pet stores. "Loitering" in front of them is suspicious activity.


Internet Café problems

- Do not try to hide whatever it is on your screen when somebody looks over your shoulder. Worrying about your privacy is what only terrorists do.

- Do not pay with cash. Credit cards are much less suspicious.

- Do not act nervous. If you are nervous, it can only be because you are no good. It is impossible for law abiding Americans to be nervous.

- Never use more than one mobile phone. Even if you have one private and one business phone, switch one of them off and hide it, whenever in public. Having more than one phone or SIM card is too suspicious.

- Do not use VOIP or in-game communication system to talk with your friends. It is suspicious if you want to avoid standard charges.

- Do not sign on to your private account (Comcast, AOL…) from internet café. For some reason, only terrorists do so.


Hobby shop no-no's

- Never inquire about remote-controlled aircraft. Even if your son begs you to buy him one, it is better that he has a parent out of jail.

- Show interest in your hobbies. If you are interested in educating yourself, you will not seem genuine enough. You must know what are you doing and be an expert if you want to shop in Hobby stores.

- Never pay with cash. Shopping with credit cards is what Americans do.


Farm supply store forbidden activities

- If you are new to the area, ask somebody local to accompany you. Being from out of town means that you are suspicious.

- Under any circumstances, do not be impatient or nervous. Even if you have to wait for two hours, keep your cool or you might end up with your head under water.

- Never inquire about farm equipment and ask questions about such suspicious details like tank sizes or spray range.

- Do not even think about inquiring about crop dusters or fuel tankers. Only terrorists buy those.

- Do not pay with cash. You know that credit card is your friend.


Military surplus stores dead giveaways

- Do not pay with cash. Credit cards are so easier to trace.

- Keep the same style. If you first visit the store wearing jumpsuit, be sure to always wear the same jumpsuit in the future. Changing clothing is suspicious.

- If you have a missing finger or a burn mark, ask somebody else to shop for you. Missing arm or finger are terrorist recognition signs.

- Do not buy "ready to eat" meals. If you are going camping, figure something else to eat.

- Do not buy bi-pods or tri-pods for your firearms. Buying firearms is fine, as long as you do not consider buying a support for them.


So, there you are. I guess that it is safe to assume that some 92% of Americans can be considered guilty of at least one of these suspicious activities.

Welcome to the Brave New US. A quote from Aldous Huxley's book about dangers of strange behavior seems so fitting:

"The greater a man's talents, the greater his power to lead astray. It is better that one should suffer than that many should be corrupted. Consider the matter dispassionately, Mr. Foster, and you will see that no offense is so heinous as unorthodoxy of behavior. Murder kills only the individual-and, after all, what is an individual?"
- Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
32 months ago: Dr 'D' just remember...

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you!"
32 months ago: Oh so right!

"And that," put in the Director sententiously, "that is the secret of happiness and virtue-liking what you've got to do. All conditioning aims at that: making people like their inescapable social destiny."

- Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
The Cypress Gang
The Cypress Gang
32 months ago: What if I... uh... fit into almost every one of those listed and have a garage full of fertilizer and diesel fuel? What about my pipe cutter and threading equipment? Something tells me those radio controlled model rocket launchers my kid has might get me in trouble....
32 months ago: Well... What can I say...

Your only option seems to be to learn to hold your breath for 10 minutes without fainting.
Out Of The Box
Out Of The Box
32 months ago: I thought they went a bit light on this miscreant.

It's the thought that counts, right?
32 months ago: Darn... Those kids today... What's next? Remote controlled helicopter pizza delivery? Obvious practice for insurgents... Lock 'em all up!
San Antonio, TX
32 months ago: Hoplophobes!

Too stupid to live.

Illegal to hunt!
Don Smith
Don Smith
Fairview, TN
32 months ago: Were gonna need some prisons big ones... Looks like sooner or later were all going to be doing time...
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
Frank Zappa

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
Frank Zappa

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
Frank Zappa

32 months ago:
Were gonna need some prisons big ones... Looks like sooner or later were all going to be doing time...

Well, what really gets me is that in all this, even prisons are getting outsourced to other countries.

"I like to watch the news, because I don't like people very much and when you watch the news... if you ever had an idea that people were really terrible, you could watch the news and know that you're right. "
- Frank Zappa
The Cypress Gang
The Cypress Gang
32 months ago: You might want to do a internet search on....

FEMA camps

Then look into who can activate them with a Declaration of Emergency.

Once that is done... Even the activator is out of power.
The Cypress Gang
The Cypress Gang
32 months ago: You folks don't find it a tad bit strange that Obama is redeploying the troops to active duty on U.S. soil before the next election cycle? Really? Is it that far of a stretch to think a declared national emergency would suspend the elections of 2012? As I'm sure we will be told....

It's to save our country and our way of life....Please walk this way....
32 months ago: Scary... One article sums it all up rather nicely...

"As the DHS and the establishment media keep telling us, the next terror event will be on American soil and not the work of al-Qaeda but domestic patriot political groups."

So... Get your toothbrush ready...

Man... Until the "Reichstag Fire Decree" suspending civil liberties and "Enabling Act" right after that, Hitler was just another antisemitic social-democrat politician.
The Cypress Gang
The Cypress Gang
32 months ago:
Until the "Reichstag Fire Decree" suspending civil liberties and "Enabling Act" right after that, Hitler was just another antisemitic social-democrat politician.

Sounds more like the path that Obama has chosen for the U.S.

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