I have a WELCOME mat outside my front door. It just says WELCOME. Rather vague, not very wordy.
A pregnant woman broke into my home last week and delivered her baby there. Now she claims that since she was in my house, uninvited, at the time of the birth, that I, being the homeowner, am responsible for the care and upbringing of her child.
And to top it off, she says that since her child is now a part of my household, she has to stay in my house uninvited to care for the child, even though I'm the one footing all the bills for the child's education, medical expenses, and so forth. I'm not sure, but I think she has also invited a few of her sisters. It's a pretty big house, and I haven't seen them yet, but I swear sometimes at night I can hear them rustling around.
I went to the woman's mother to complain, to try to get the woman to go home, and the mother told me that she had instructed her daughters on the best way to break in, and where to find the refrigerator.
I went to my neighbors and told them of my situation. They said, "Well, did you have a mat out front that says WELCOME?" I said that I did, but that it didn't mean that just anyone could come in whenever they wanted and help themselves to my stuff, and stay indefinitely. It means that anyone that comes to my door and knocks properly is welcome.
They said "How do you know that's what it means? Were you there when the factory wrote WELCOME on the mat?" They went on to say "If the mat says WELCOME, then you must apply it to anyone, anytime. Why are you being such a racist?" They then went on to inform me that the mat was unchangeable, and that I wanted to change mats that have been that way for generations, just because I'm a homeowner supremacist.
"Change is good," they say, "except for that one. If you want that kind of change, you are a bad person."
I was getting a new mat made, one that more properly defined my terms. It was going to say something like, "If you are here peacefully, and intend to follow the rules of the house, and I have invited you here, or if you are in need and intend to ask for help and not demand it, and if you are willing to learn the ways of my household and not demand that my household change to accommodate your customs, then, and only then, after we have performed the necessary rituals of greeting, you are WELCOME."
Of course, I'll have to build a bigger front step to make room for the considerably larger mat.