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Mini-Jaws is dead. For the last month, a zander fish has been terrorizing swimmers in Lac Majeur, a Swiss lake. The fish was captured and killed with a harpoon by the crack Swiss Police Diver’s Force (who apparently exist to kill zander fish).
The zander fish weighed almost 18 pounds and measured over two feet long at the time of its death. The fish was wanted for questioning by police in several biting attacks – some of the bites resulted in four-inch-long wounds that required hospitalization.
Local fish warden Fabio Croci suggested that the fish was “suffering from a hormonal imbalance,” causing its aggression.
As it is proper to honor a killed zander fish, tourists at the lake consumed the flesh of the dead beast. At the time of this article’s writing, there was no word on the zander’s stomach contents.
Kudos to the Swiss Police Diver’s Force for killing the biggest news story to come out of Switzerland since theologian John Calvin’s 500th birthday celebration.
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