Culture & Lifestyle

Rant

Safer Teen Sex at Home

Posted 11 months ago|37 comments|779 views
sex without responsibility
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"Safer Sex? Some Parents Allow Their Teens to Have Sex Inside Family Home...
Heather Blackmore...posted (an article) this month about a woman who allows her teenage son to have sex with his girlfriend in his bedroom set off a firestorm...Blackmore says that was not the woman's intent...I think … it was more of the attitude, 'Well, kids are going to do it anyway. Why not make it so that it-- it's in a comfortable, safer environment,' as opposed to in a woods," she said."
http://abcnews.go.com/US/parents-teens-s...

I want to know... what "location" has to do with safer sex... and what does "safer" sex mean to the general public? I did a few searches and found that not getting pregnant was considered safer... while others focused on the possible contraction of a sexual disease. Again, what does that have to do with location?

IF a partner has a sexually transmittable disease, it won't matter a lick where the sexual act is performed... nor does it reduce the risk of pregnancy. In the in article sited above, those who took part in a video interview revealed a very telling undercurrent of perception. The parents in the interview that said that teen sex was allowed in their home, seemed concerned that they could some how control the risks presented to their teens. While others who said that wasn't happening, stating that it would be somehow encouraging this activity... or that it would in some way be disrespectful to their home.

I did come across another article that seems to be where I am on this whole issue of premarital sex, be it at home or elsewhere. It goes into the social and emotional effects... that seem to be more at the heart of the parent teen struggle. The teens sited earlier in the video interview seemed to say to the parents... don't do us any favors... and that not being able to have sex at home was the last line of defense, for teens wanting to escape the pressure of unwanted sex. This is also echoed in the following article that debunks many myths about premarital sex... as well giving many good reasons why teens should be encouraged to save themselves for marriage.

""There is virtually no evidence that condoms reduce the risk of HPV infection at all, though they may slightly decrease the number of people who go on to get warts or cervical cancer."(Mcllhaney) "If used 100 percent of the time, condoms only reduce the risk of chlamydia and gonorrhea infection by about half."(Mcllhaney) Condoms reduce genital herpes by about half too.(Mcllhaney) "If used 100 percent of the time, condoms reduce the risk of HIV transmission by about 85 percent."(Mcllhaney) "Any risk reduction benefits of condoms, however, is dependant upon correct use of condoms, 100 percent of the time. Generally speaking, consistent condom use (using a condom every time one has sex) is quite uncommon."
http://www.marriageromance.com/stories/1...

With all the programs out there to create a safer environment for sex... little success has been presented, and quite the opposite effect is being witnessed daily in our society. What would happen if all the sex education and programs were trashed... outright scrapped? I'll tell you what would happen... only good! Let some good basic education penetrate the young hormone filled minds of teens... challenge them to think instead of parrot the social engineering mantras! The education system and media have everyone over-sexed to the point that objective thought is almost impossible.

When are we going to get teens ready for the real world? "Playing house" without the responsibility for their choices only enables destructive behavior. It is no wonder that teens today are so depressed... truth on any issue is at a premium, and "do what you want" is the only advice. Interesting.... sounds like the founding slogan to Thelema, an occult religion developed by Aleister Crowley; "do what thou wilt is the whole of the law".

"Is Premarital Sex Worth It?
In today's American society and culture, most people consider premarital sex acceptable and harmless. But is it?"
http://www.marriageromance.com/stories/1...
UPDATE - 1 month ago
"Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper
http://dwynrhh6bluza.cloudfront.net/reso...
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COMMENTS
11 months ago: Is premarital sex acceptable and harmless? -- Like so many things, it depends on the subjects of the discussion.

Let's compare 2 scenarios: If we take two 17 year-old high school seniors who have been dating for, let's say- 6 months, and during that time have become increasingly physically intimate in their relationship. Assuming they are also becoming increasingly emotionally intimate is it logical to conclude that they are going to progress to having sex? I believe there is a strong possibility that the relationship will progress to become a 'full fledged' sexual relationship. As to whether is is acceptable or appropriate is dependent, to some degree, to the individuals involved.

Now let's take two unmarried 30 year-olds who hook up and have sex one night after meeting at a party, bar or whatever.

Which scenario is more acceptable?

11 months ago: From a moral standpoint (what is acceptable)... neither. But if we are talking safety, then the answer would rest on whether or not there was disease involved and risk of pregnancy. For the youths, if they got pregnant, statistically the majority would get an abortion... not safe. For the 30 year-old's statistically the abortion rate would be less, seeing as they are more stable financially.... "safer". Sex comes with responsibilities, and abortion ethically and morally be used as birth control.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: One doesn't have a clue and the other knows what is going on and what to expect.
10 months ago: Really?? That seems to be a pretty broad categorization.

Also, at what point do you go from "not having a clue" to "knowing what is going on"?

It is different for different people. I really am reluctant to say that everyone grows and develops in the same manner and is ready for a sexual relationship at the same time or in the same manner.

sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: You asked. Let me explain better to you.
The younger ones don't have the life experience to know the difference or consequences. They only react.
The older two have lived life enough to understand what they are getting into.
I don't really understand what you are saying "it is different for different people." If you wind up pregnant, it isn't any different than anyone else. If you wind up in jail for getting involved with a minor, how is it different.
You wind up hurting a person if you are not ready, how is it different.
The other two may be able to walk away and still be hurt. It is no different.
10 months ago: Hmmm.......What if an individual decides to never marry? I know more than a few people who see no value in the institution, process, or ceremony of marriage.

Are you suggesting that they are never able to engage in a sexual relationship? I have 2 cousins. They have each been with their respective partners (heterosexual relationships) for almost 20 years. Not married, no intention of getting married. Are their relationships morally unacceptable?

Now, for the youths, let's assume that both parties were using contraception. The girls is on the pill AND the guy uses condoms. Statistically, the likelihood of pregnancy and the attendant risks are negligible.

Also, statistically speaking, the risk of disease is actually lower with younger individuals.
Content Removed by Truthbrary
10 months ago: "Morals" really has to do with the one who establishes them, and holds us accountable for them... the only faith that does both is Christianity... as Jesus Christ says that the world will be judged by Him and His Words. SO, our morality has more to do with our willingness to follow His best for out lives. Sometimes we may be in relationships that we find ourselves in, but when we consider following Christ, it is not a great burden. Some people say marriage is just a piece of paper... well, if that is all it is to them, I guess everything said to this point has no bearing on their lives.

As to teens... again morality has to do with their responsibility to God. But as to "safety" ...many teens commit suicide because of emotional damage caused by premarital sexual relationships. What good is it that they were successful at not contracting a disease or get pregnant... only to kill themselves? Today sex is used like a recreational sport... that has them plummeting to their deaths in some cases... and in others... social suicide, and disease.

The Bible is not there to keep people from the most powerful gift to mankind (sex), it reveals a way for it to be mutually respectful and secure for both partners. To lower the value of it to recreation between multiple partners... is asking for trouble. Even if you toss the Bible... the negative effects of premarital sex does not disappear, people still need counselling and medications, and sometimes abstinence just to cope with the fall-out of hormonal decisions. One just chooses the handbook for their lives... the Bible or Origins of Species.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: That's because they aren't ready for it.
They don't understand themselves how can they understand the emotional turmoil that involvement brings. To have good morals brings a lot of good things.
A marraige certificate gives you a chance to make it work, otherwise, people would just walk away much of the time. You have to be ready for marraige and smart. I don't think young people have obtained that level of smartness even though they want you to believe it. I knew a teenage boy who got popular in school, and he was always a gentlemen, but apparently he went down with peer pressure. He had potential for college and at this time a couple years out of high school he has a baby and a wife and is working in a fast food restaurant. You can't tell me that marraige will have a chance.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: I agree with you. Some people because they may live this sort of life or find it easier to be without any control, make excuses. They never learn.
I just think kids should have a chance to see all that is available out there without distractions of this sort. It never works by having their minds clouded over. Then they find it easier to go from one to the other.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: I agree with that 100 percent.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: Christianity is a journey of enrichments.
10 months ago: I would agree that to some extent sex is often used like a recreational sport. However, that does not mean that all sexual relationships are used as such. It does not mean that all people who engage in sex outside of marriage do so.

I cannot help but believe that like so many other things, sexual behavior develops, and evolves with each individual. I don't think that a person becomes sexually competent on their wedding day. Competence in this context refers to an individual's developed state as a sexually aware, and knowledgeable being.

We must remember that the context within which the biblical directives about sexual behavior existed also assumed that marriage occurred relatively shortly after physical sexual maturity.

Today, marriage occurs, on average, 10-15 years after sexual maturity. While some may argue that morality is absolute, I cannot help but wonder about the various health issues surrounding the denial of a real, basic, and very strong natural process due to conflicting societal pressures.
10 months ago: I guess what I am saying is that there are more long-term effects and risks to healthy relationships in addition to the shorter term health risks....

Risk Factors for Premarital Sex...
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage...
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: People make mistakes and have to live by it.
Live and learn but don't hurt others on the way by being
promiscuous and indulgent. Some people are luckier than others
and build their lives on a rock and never have to deal with it.
Others don't think it is important, and there are always consequences.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: When people who are engaged in it are too young to know better it is tough love to have to step in and set them straight. It is all hormones at that age. I never hear you mention the word love which is the reason people marry 99 percent of the time. To procreate is a natural process, but I knew people who got into a lot of hot water saying things like what you said: "I thought it was natural process to behave that way. I've heard that all before and have seen the bad effect it has had."
10 months ago: The following are great in-depth resources that show some negative consequences to premarital sex, warning this site comes with graphic pictures....

Another Non-Romantic side of Premarital Sex!
http://www.premaritalsex.info/std.htm
http://www.premaritalsex.info/index.htm
Felix Mannow
Felix Mannow
England
10 months ago: Western people over indulge in sexual acts.
They like drink,drug,sex and it will bring the western world to its knees eventually.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: What is this Western World stuff?
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: Other countries have child sex slavery openly. We fight it, other Countries don't care. We do.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: My opinion is that it should not be placed in a atmosphere of other family members where it has to be forced upon them to accept. If the parents don't set the rules and will allow this disrespect to occur in their homes, it can hurt other vulnerable members of the family emotionally. If these teens are old enough to make a decision about their activities, then they are old enough to take that responsibility on and get their own place and own livelyhood. When the outcome of such activities causes young people to mostly lose their chances in life, then why help them along. If parents have no other children other than the two that they allow to be this way, then it is their problem. It never works, and they pay the price for it.
When younger children are aware of this, it affects them. These so called teens bringing sex into a home with young kids that are still pretty much naive, can be abusive. I've seen people do this and guys bring woman into living with their families and the woman who are very experienced by now, take these traits and influence the younger kids in families. They bring habits into a family and love passing it on to innocent kids. I've seen these people pass cigarettes to underage kids just to do it and really can brutalize a familes infrastructure. It causes wars, resentment, and division of families later on down the road.
10 months ago: And I think everyone agrees that within your home, you could establish these rules and guidelines. Similarly, as others may have different viewpoints and feels that it is possible to approach the situation differently, they can establish different rules and guidelines.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: You can't live without rules. I don't care what anybody says I've seen this happen and others really suffer for it. A parent has to set an example.
I don't see any other way because I know for a fact what goes on and how harmful it can be no matter how you look at it.
Of course many parents are just as bad. Then the kids are on the road to being like their idiotic parents.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: Tell me one way of approaching it differently.
10 months ago: "You can't live without rules" - it would seem that the first rule you would like everyone to live by is that you establish the rules.

I don't disagree. What about what we let our kids eat, should I get to dictate that for everyone else? How about how much TV we let kids watch, should that be imposed by another individual?

The rules that we live by and expect others in our homes to abide by are as individual as each of us. Do some of the rules or lack thereof lead to problems....that is a significant possibility. However, there can also be too many rules and restrictions. I'm sure that many of us can think of the example of someone who lived under a set of rules that was downright oppressive. What happened to that individual either by abiding by them or when they were no longer in a situation where they had to be contained by them?

It isn't as simple and black and white as we would like.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: Not without consequences.
10 months ago: the consequences have the potential to go both ways.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: You don't know have that much experience, do you?
I don't expect anyone to think like me and that's why kids commit suicide or become drunks or drug users. I knew better. We are talking about two different thing.People have to grow as individuals, but I never saw free sex in a family houseful on the list to becoming one. I see families being intimidating and scared of their kids by allowing it in general. You mean it is too many rules by not allowing certain conditions? Huh? So allow your kid to do anything and not show them the right way in life so they can have self esteem and live their life productively. To each his own. Who cares? That is a major rule. Rules don't make oppressiveness, making everyone unhappy to have to put up with an individuals activities does. Having a nurturing home and teaching and guiding and loving a child says it all. They won't look for that sort of thing. That's an excuse. After they are through it and made everyone have to deal with them, then they are on their merry way to inflict what they learned on others. It brings out bad character. You believe what you want.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: You kind of side tracked a little by talking about providing basic needs that have nothing to do with what we are talking about. Those things are a given.
At least kids will have a chance to establish themselves with guidelines. Everyone lives by rules. I believe in giving children the education and the knowledge of what is out there for them and let them choose. I believe in trying to make their lives easier as they grow up and make them have confidence as individuals so they are not pulled around by their nose from their peers.
By the way, watching too much tv causes insomnia and can disturb children. We have to make sure as parents they get proper nutrition and they are clothed properly. If they are very young, we have to help them along to keep them healthy. We have to keep them strong and give them a good balance of interaction with others. Kids don't know any better. I don't believe in any corporal punishment and I can't stand people who do that. I don't believe in raising a hand to a child. I can deal with just about anything. I child has to grow up with a feeling of being secure and being loved. That's it. Basic rules go along with that to keep it that way. I've seen it all believe me.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: I guess I just have been lucky then.
I have been able to do this and be loved as a parent and appreciated.
I had to do something right in a World that is so chaotic and so problematic.
I'm really not criticizing anyone. I just think the majority of the times it ends up sad.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: You still didn't give me another way of dealing with it.
Saying their are other ways doesn't mean anything.
10 months ago: I don't know what you mean by your question. It seems to broad and I think I have addressed it.

Do I allow my children to have sex in my home....no. but that is today....I think the day will come when I will allow it as I believe they are able to make the decision for themselves.

The particular timing of that reality isn't something that I am prepared to engrave in stone arbitrarily.

In regards to your statement about anything goes, no anything does not go. but the details, specifics and particulars very from person to person. I allow my kids the occasional glass of wine with dinner when we have it. they are teenagers and exposed to it outside the home, although that doesn't mean they drink outside the home. I believe that by allowing the occasional glass of wine, I am setting a good example. I am working at teaching them to be responsible and that the consumption of alcohol is something you learn to do responsibly. There are others who disagree with my methods. That's okay. They approach the topic differently.

Simply put, complex questions often have more than one right answer. Often, the imposition of a rule is a good way to get around an honest conversation that addresses real concerns and the reality of the world in which our kids live.

Sex is a big issue that often is not adequately addressed. A recent survey showed that more kids think that the internet provides better and more accurate information about sex than their parents. To me that is frightening.

I think the first step to establishing a good moral base for my children is to face reality and frame the discussions, examples and the rules around reality. that does not mean that I am open to the "anything goes" approach. It does mean that I acknowledge that whether it is alcohol, sex, parties, staying out late, or whatever, the "rules" have to be intelligently applied to the situation. I believe that, by definition, that means they have to take the child into account.

The best thing for my kid is to have a set of rules that best helps them on their way to being the best person they can be. That probably doesn't work for your children, and you have the same responsibility as I do. That probably means the rules will be different.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: Edward that's fine. I'm not arguing with you. To each his own. I've been very lucky and proud as I am sure you will be.
One thing I have to tell you and that you should think about is when you start giving kids drink at home, they feel free to take it when you aren't around even if you lock up the cabinets. There is no one right answer for everyone but deal with the consequence after if you don't see the otherside of it too. I wouldn't dangle anything in front of their faces to make them feel it is okay.
God Bless...
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: Edward kids just don't go on the internet for the educational material.
You know that from what we have seen on the news.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: Well, if you have a clue then tell me. I would like to know what you think. You really aren't saying anything.
sunny2
sunny2
10 months ago: Truth I know that developing children's talents in something they love and is very important. It trains their minds to think about higher things in life and gives them self esteem to choose the right partner when they are ready. They will choose someone equal to them and not someone that is not and would take advantage of them.
I know that alchohol is addictive and also sex is addictive and young people lose control, and it can cause a lot of damage and they can lose focus and goals in life.
Sometimes I believe parents are working out their own conflicts through their children.
10 months ago: Sunny,

That's the thing about raising kids... kind of learn as you go... like you said, many times trying to fix stuff through the kids... and often times too late.
sunny2
sunny2
1 month ago: Truth you updated again so I really want to make a strong point here.
Allowing children to have sexual relations in ones home brings down the respect level. They will never learn to have respect for others even their sexual partner. Also, there are many things that develop from this that aren't so innocent as believing it is the right thing to have them at home engaged in sex.
You have to take in consideration younger, impressionable children. Younger children don't have the same concept as we have. This can effect them in a bad way because they really don't have an understanding. Younger children are vulnerable, and it can make them upset and influence their education by being distracted. I see this as abuse by parents to haveyounger kids exposed to this behavior. Also, you may have an older age guy with a underage girl which is illegal, but they get away with it because they have privacy. You figure they don't have money to go anywhere else but home.
All around them is family in the home which could be made up of grandparents that young adults look up to and admire which can cause mixed emotions because these older folks live by a different code. If some family members feel that it is against their moral beliefs, it can cause them to become sick and not feel comfortable in a home.
I can just see the parents real stubborn allowing this because they feel they made a good decision, not thinking of the harmful effect it can have on others.
Then you have to look at visitors coming over to a home and the kids are very bold and explicit in their actions because they have that freedom. It causes a breakdown of respect for family. I've seen this and these kids get distant from family members and treat them as if they aren't there and get cold toward them.
I would think that they are too young to engage in this behavior because they will flaunt it. Even the younger siblings may think it is cool because the older ones are doing it, and so they will become involved too young.
If they are of age, they should have a private entrance of their own and not be so visible to a family. It must be really something to see them bring in a guy or girl and walk straight to a room without even acknowledging others. This is what happens. I have seen this.
I'm not saying my way is the only way, but I've seen what it can do to families. It isn't good.

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