Written by
Book of Eli Review: D
Pros: Post-apocalyptic environment, nifty outfits, guns ‘n’ swordfights.
Cons: Ridiculous “there’s only one copy of this book” plot, even worse product placement.
Blah. Even if you loved Mad Max and Escape from New York, run away from The Book of Eli. The weak plot, silly setting, and boring, monosyllabic protagonist make this movie a snoozer. You can find the Book of Eli trailer to the left. Make sure that you watch it.
First, here's the non-spoiler Book of Eli plot. In the future, a wandering nomad has a mysterious book that may hold the key to healing the scorched earth. He fights with a sword. He shoots bad guys. He hooks up with a hottie.
The Book of Eli is shallow, silly, and outlandish. If you really, really like Mila Kunis – even after her wooden performance in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Max Payne – or heavy religious messages, you might enjoy it. But I suggest you take my advice: don’t spend a penny on The Book of Eli. Reviews are negative, and they’re not going to change.
Not too special, huh? Well, my Book of Eli review isn't exactly glowing, so watch the trailer instead of reading below if you want to be surprised. Who knows? You may like it.
Warning: Book of Eli spoilers below.
OK. The film’s set in the future, some “thirty years after the end of civilization.” So why does our hero (Denzel Washington) have a functioning iPod Touch? Seriously. That’s one of the main plot points. Eli’s waltzing down the road, rocking out to Al Green and thinking of good times past… and his ancient, but puzzlingly pristine iPod Touch runs out of juice. This prompts the man to leave his nomadic wanderings to venture into a town governed by bad guy Carnagie (Gary Oldman).
Oh, yeah. Eli is also toting around the world’s last copy of the Bible. (All the other copies were destroyed in anger after some vague apocalyptic event – “a hole in the sky.” Never mind that there’s an estimated 5 billion copies in the world… they’ve all been destroyed.
After filling up his canteen and recharging his iPod, Eli chats with Carnagie, and hits on the leader’s daughter Solara (Mila Kunis). It turns out that Carnagie is only able to keep peace in his town because he controls the water supply, and he’s been searching for a Bible to solidify his control. Which doesn’t really make sense, but whatever.
Eli, of course, doesn't want to give up his Bible. "It's meant to be used for good," and all that rot. Action ensues when Eli gets Solara to run away from her father, who gives chase. Eventually, Eli kills all the bad guys and gets away with the book, the girl, and of course his iPod Touch.
The Book of Eli ends with a vague, cryptic message about taking care of the earth and honoring religious texts. That's about it.