If only it were that easy!.. Redoing my life over for a start
would definitely warrant changes in a huge way. For one thing,
I don't believe I'd start a serious dating relationship at the
age of 14 until 19 missing out on most of my teen years with my
friends.. Friends? Did I say friends? I thought I had a few,
but, as it turns out, most were merely acquaintances as my
financial situation and background could never hold a candle
to how they lived their lives. However, I do believe if I
could have started out a bit differently, (of course with the
knowledge that I have now), I could have avoided a lot of
tragedies in my life.
Imagine your father passing at the ripe old age of 47
and you're in those impressionable years at age 22.
He passes due to the job giving him epoxy resins
and methalynedianalene to work with.. however you spell it,
& for years never making him wear protective
garments for the hazardous materials handed to him
(conveniently with the labels torn off).. yes, that's
Boeing for ya. 27 years worth of dedicated work for
the company that ultimately kills him.. leaving his
family in ruins. Oh, don't get me wrong.. I eventually
worked for an attorney and because this was a hugely
traumatic experience for me, it eventually became a
topic of conversation and recourse. The unfortunate part
was that even though he passed from toxic hepatitis which
resulted in cirrhosis of the liver in 1987, the average
layman couldn't put their finger on the cause and called
him an alcoholic. He had no alcoholic mallory bodies
in his system.. it was all toxins.. albeit our filing was
3 months and 3 days past the statute.. Wait? why would a
wrongful death even have a statute? oh I forgot, Boeing
can do anything they want including covering up the 20 plus
deaths in my father's department from the use of the chemicals.
So there you have it.. my mother not ever getting anything other
than $160 a month from the company to live off of... and her
having to go scrub floors for a living. Just lovely.. they
do say there is a God. I believe that. I believe that God
witnessed everything...and is still doing so.
Ok so if we back up a few years to when I was Sixteen and at
the guidance counselor's office in my feeble pursuit of help
with a college education.. Imagine being told in the Year 1980
that you could not possibly get any financial help because your
father worked for Boeing and therefore no financial help would
be available. They had no clue that he was making $39K gross a
year and supporting a family of 6...and that $39K a year was
only when he worked overtime.
So, consequently, I walked out of the guidance counselor's office
with the belief that only special people would ever get financial help.
Well! I'll fix them! I'll just work my butt off and be on the honor
roll and take typing and stenography.. and I will be top of my class...
I managed to type of 110 wpm and take steno at 125 wpm... yes, I was
on the honor roll and yes, I was that good... I was for sure going
to 'secure' my future whatever that would be from the age of 16 on..
Again, no real help from anyone. If it was to be, it was certainly
up to me, right?
Well, in hindsight, I should have taken Spanish instead of French..
I should have taken medical instead of legal and well.. I had
no idea at that time what life would lean towards once I was
out into the real world. Oh, I started out okay.
I was making $8.50 an hour working for an insurance company
and took the state exams (I used to bragg about having to
take 3 three hour tests coloring in the dots with a No.2 pencil
at Drexel University and how on the last day of the tests the
trains weren't running and luckily managed to get a ride in
the very dark morning hours)... I passed the state tests and
I was on my way.. still, making only $8.50 an hour and getting
a dollar if I sold towing.. well a dollar didn't sound like much
and still doesnt.. but I managed to earn $6K in dollar sales
in one year.. yes, I was on this mission.. I ended up getting
a new shiny black camaro and life was pretty good.
Not long after that though my father became ill
and then died within the year and there went life as I knew it.
He'd never be there to see me get married.. would never be there
to walk me down the isle...
I was devastated. Doesn't much matter now as this was 24 years
ago and since then, I cant tell you how many weddings I attended
and how I'd well up when I saw the lucky bride walking down the
isle with her father...
But heck, I never even had 'the wedding' .. I had the justice
of the peace and drove myself to the ceremony an hour
and five minutes away from where I lived in my little
ford focus car.
I had no bridal shower, I had no wedding rehersal dinner,
I had 30 people at my wedding and then it was off to
Maryland for a 3 day honeymoon. My spouse was to be the
eventual owner of a franchise his mother had.. and that, too,
fell apart not very long after that. You see, his mother never
had any intention of giving the keys to the business because she
said he drank too much and she just would not do that..She told
my mother this information in private. No, little did we know,
his nice income job with benefits would come to an abrupt hault
when his supposed friend took over the business after telling his
mother she'd fix the problem with the books.
I dont even want to get into it..let's just say embezzlement comes to mind.
Anyway, mominlaw tells this woman that she'd hand over the business
if her son's salary or benefits would not be touched. She promises
she wouldnt but within 4 months, that's exactly what she did do.
At the time we were living in a small 1650 sq ft cape cod home that
came with a $2K a month mortgage. This person removed $85K from his
income and she increased his working hours from 9 and 10 hour days
to 13 and 14 hour days, and she added that he would now have to work 7
days a week instead of 6. I had two in diapers and was at home trying
to figure out how I could generate money from home given that he was gone
so many hours and I couldn't possibly get a job around his hours to where
someone could watch the children for me. Consequently, nobody ever
watched my two children.. nobody ever changed their diapers but me...
and I was a struggling fool trying to make money from home that
never panned out. I also had no access to his income whatsoever.
I was not on his bank account, I had no debit or credit cards ..
nothing. It was difficult and even today I dont' know any woman
who would have put up with it for very long..but I was different,
I was understanding and layed back and just believed that things
would be okay. They werent.. I had no idea that my husband was so
bad with money management and that he was using credit cards for
groceries. Why? because that's what his mother would do. I had no
idea he was only putting $10 towards the credit card bills. I couldn't
figure out where all the money he was making was going as I
had no access to any of it.
Soon after the pay cut came, the cancellation of the health and
life insurance.. and not too long after that the foreclosure
action started. I was fit to be tied especially when he had
earned a trip to mexico at a 5 star all inclusive resort and
I was not 'allowed' to go with him. Instead, the new boss picked
out a girl who was 20 years younger than him, and booked them
both into the same hotel room telling my husband if he declined
going on this trip she'd yank $2K from his earnings. The saga
gets better but I'm running out of room, so, stay tuned.