It is one of the oldest sweeping generalisations in the book - that women cannot apply mascara without opening their mouth. It has been reinforced by comediennes during their routines and by actors playing women such as Tony Curtis in "Some Like it Hot" and Mel Gibson in "What Women Want". But I though it was corny old hat by now. I even thought that I no longer cared and a week ago if you'd asked me how I felt about this sweeping generalisation that mocks woman I'd have said, "Nah, it's nothing. Doesn't bother me."
So why could I not rise above it to take the moral highground when, whilst zapping through TV channels, I heard the question asked :
"Why does a woman open her mouth when putting on mascara?". That stopped my zapping action. I was foolish enough to want to hear the answer. What I heard were four, redneck-worthy and unnuterably weak responses - all from men.
1 : Because a woman cannot close her mouth for more than 30 seconds.
2 : Because she's about to apply lipstick.
3 : Because she's just caught sight of herself in the mirror and has been rendered speechless.
4 : Because it's automatic muscular response to the task.
None of the above were explained - but all caused the fawning fecking audience to dissolve into fits of laughter. The men who uttered these inanities looked so pleased with themselves - as if they were the wittiest observers of life since Oscar Wilde said : "One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she'll tell anything".
I found myself yelling at my TV. Now THAT is something that I only usually do whilst watching Premiership football.
I also watched myself carefully the next day, whilst applying mascara, and my mouth was well and truly closed. Am I the exception to this water-tight rule?
What about you? Is your mouth open or closed whilst applying mascara.
Guys can answer as well - we're very open minded here!