Culture & Lifestyle

Rant

Cohabitation Revolution: Living "Together"

Posted 20 months ago|8 comments|588 views
Living together ...for how long?
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"I have some good news and bad news on the marriage front. First, the good news... the divorce rate for married couples with children has fallen nearly to the rate of the early 1960s... the bad news nearly cancels it out. Fewer of us are bothering to tie the knot at all. The rate of cohabitation — "living together"— has exploded. The study finds that cohabitation has increased fourteen-fold since 1970."
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/the-coh...%29

After reading the above article it would seem that the traditional family is at a premium. Nothing provides more stability... even though itself is under the attack of divorce. The article points out that the kids ultimately pay the price. Over 20% of homes are in a cohabitation situation, and that means many more children will find this a norm for the future... and what does that mean?

"Those who are part of cohabiting households, according to the study, report "more conflict, more violence, and lower levels of satisfaction and commitment." Children in such situations face real emotional and physical risks"
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/the-coh...%29

More violence conflict and depression... cohabiting households offer the future a bleak outlook. IF you thought married homes were bad, these modern arrangements seem far worse. I had the privilege of seeing my parents married, it didn't however insulate me from some of the abuse and trauma of dysfunction... the modern household has less protection and structure, more pressures and less stability. And to top it off the Media and "Hollywood" slams the traditional family with nothing better to replace it.

While promising a world of "freedom" and "options" ...our society is crumbling apart, one household at a time. Just because I belong to the "wholesome" minority is it any less my responsibility? I hear it in my circles sometimes that we are only responsible for our own... what ever happened to "love your neighbor?" By us reaching a hurting world we do two things... stabilize our own homes and strengthen others. But where does that sit on the morality fence? It doesn't it is on one side or the other!

I see many in relationships that don't meet the Biblical criterion, but it doesn't stop me from loving, and counselling. Most of the people were like me before I found the truth...
or more accurately, the Truth found me... we forget! Shame on us! We have the very answers to life and happiness and we selfishly keep it all to our selves... we have the obligation to share our very lives... not just advice or condemnation.

At no time in history do we have such a great wealth of resources for struggling families of all descriptions... but how will this get from the "helped" to the hurting? It is not good enough to brag about your marital success... your very children will be living in the future world of cohabitation! We owe it to the next generation to build-up what is falling and establish new foundations where there are none. It is never easy to do the right thing... especially when our society is cursing the very line that might be their salvation.

I was again challenged to return to the basics, Jesus said...

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:35)

...ours is the challenge to shine, we say we have the Light! There is no greater joy than to see couples investing in tools that will help them survive the "incompatibility" lie, and see them choose to love beyond their selfishness. When we have worked with men and their potential... we have found satisfied women our best advertisers! There isn't a woman who can resist a real man... there isn't a man that can resist a real woman! The message of love is a contagious one, filled with hope and purpose... we just need to get it out of the package into the lives that need it.

However, "love" doesn't mean stupidity! If you plant bad principles in your relationships (like selfishness) you will get the undesired response. We need to be smart and invest all the good things we can in relationships to see them grow and flourish... my wife and myself have been attending marriage courses for years, and still do. Our last 10 years are better than the fist fifteen! I have such a terrific hot wife all because I believe in her, and satisfy her; previously I took instead of gave... I could tell you where that got me. I see such potential in young relationships... they need to stay blind with love... and wide-eyed to opportunities to love on their mate! Try to out-care for the other.

I don't know why they call it "living together" when each person is so far apart!
I believe the greatest SIN is not teaching people how to love... by our demonstration.


I would like to share the following links to great videos, they have been valuable to us in understanding the opposite sex, without suffering the opposite of sex...

Mark Gungor - Sex is what men want from women...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbJOL0X4P...
Get Your Husband to Do What You Want...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ccJeRh_U...
Is there a such a thing called a Soul Mate...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPdAR12Z-...
UPDATE - 14 months ago
John Piper - "Don't Waste Your Life"
http://dwynrhh6bluza.cloudfront.net/reso...
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COMMENTS
Altruist
Altruist
Eugene, OR
20 months ago: I agree that strong stable family units are much better environments for children.

I think the black community is being hurt because 72% of black kids are raised in a single parent household compared to 25% overall. http://newsone.com/nation/newsonestaff3/...

The same statistics that say that kids do better in a family with two adults who have pledged their love and committed to stay with each other, to help each other raise the kids, does not distinguish between traditional straight marriages, or gay marriages.

Obviously if there are more supportive loving people in the home they can share the overwhelming duties of raising kids, and they can have better financial support. Marriage helps but is not necessary. The commitment is the important thing.

A loving extended family that pools resources and shares in the responsibilities of raising the children, may be even better than the traditional two person family because it is less traumatic if one person leaves or dies.
20 months ago: Very well said Al.

My only disagreement would be...

"Marriage helps but is not necessary. The commitment is the important thing."

Marriage is necessary. The thing about real marriage is that it is not a piece of paper but a covenant. many folks in this day and age don't know what a covenant is and that is why many marriages fail.

The marriage is the public testimony of the commitment that the man and woman have made to each other. That bit of cement when correctly understood has tremendous power in keeping the relationship safe from enemies like adultery and and cop outs like "irreconcilably differences."
20 months ago: Marriage is an antiquated proposal with no real bearing on the situation. Marriage is a religious institution that somehow got bundled up with politics and government in such a way as to penalize those citizens who do not share the classic religious belief.

Marriage is in no way necessary and in some ways prohibitive. Children learn how to abuse their spouses in bad marriages, they learn that love does not exist in a bad marriage, they learn that as adults the fairy tale ending that marriage is purported to provide is simply a pipe dream.

Kids need attention, supervision and love. Give them those three things and they will strive in or out of the classic marriage situation. Single parent households fail because there is no way for a single person to create the atmosphere children need without being mostly absent (because of work).

I've been married for nearly 18 years now and while I may have gotten lucky I am about the only one I know who has.

20 months ago: Slim you say...

"marriage is an antiquated proposal with no real bearing on the situation" ...do you have any facts to back that up... or is this another you said it so we need to believe it? You can slam this "religious" institution all you like but the facts show it is the healthiest atmosphere to be raised in. Waiting.......
20 months ago: TB - Another case of post and run?
20 months ago: "and in some ways prohibitive"

Yo Slim, What are the prohibitive parts in your Book? The negative ones that is.
20 months ago: Slim,

Since you don't seem to want to address my direct question (why is that if you have conviction?)

I'll take a stab at what you may be thinking and you can clear it up if I miss it:

"Those who live together before marriage are, naturally, having sex before marriage.

So it stands to reason that these same folks who did not have their libido in check before marriage are going to have tremendous challenges now that they are married. Their prior sexual history makes them much more susceptible and quite more likely to be unfaithful now that they are married.

In view of that the fairy tale and the pipe dream falls apart because what was once an outlet for enjoyment of life now is prohibited by and outdated and unnecessary mode of relationship."

HN on behalf of SP --

Does that sum it up?
20 months ago: No one can successfully shoot down TB's argument because it's bullet proof.

Some of the worse damage to families comes from folks who want to play house without being married. It sets a bad precedent for the kids and should be seen as aberrant and not normal.

The covenant of marriage is the single most important human bond there is. Folks either pick well or pick poorly. They either learn how to make things work through love, learning and sacrifice or they quite. Luck has NOTHING to do with it.

Ideally families originate from marriage. Unfortunately, moral corruption and bad decisions give rise to fragmented families and broken homes.

A big problem is that many people don't know or understand the difference between a contract and a covenant.

In a contract the parties involved do not have to have a personal relationship with other necessarily following the signing of the contract or agreement. It's simply cold legal. It's not unusual in that type of commitment to have a prenuptial factored in as well. No different really than a business relationship.

A covenant is the most solemn, binding, intimate contract known to humankind. Covenant is considered a binding agreement among folks from as far back as humankind goes. It was never entered into lightly. It was a "walk into death" indicating the commitment of the covenant partners to die to independent living and to ever after live for their covenant partner and to fulfill the stipulations of their covenant vows no matter what.

If more folks thought that way our family structures would be far different. Men and women, fathers and mothers, would honor their relationships and their vows. Families would be stable and the world would be better place. Yes, that is idealistic, but it is also possible.

Real wedding vows are real promises that the couple make to each other to give public testimony to the love and commitment the individuals have for each other. However, when husbands and wives forsake that love, their marriage fails. A relationship that was meant to last a lifetime now ends in failure and disaster. That's not the way it's supposed to be and we must not settle there.

The "dumbing down" of the marriage covenant is what we have today. Marriage has become little more than an upgraded social contract between two people—not a holy covenant between a man and a woman and their God for a lifetime. Many times the divorce takes place before the wedding is even paid for!

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