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I have a new superpower.
The first one I ever had was when I turned 30.
I was suddenly able to make myself invisible to hot young women.
I got the second one when I got married. I seem to have developed ESP, since I know exactly what my wife is going to say when I do something stupid.
Now, I can tell you who is going to win a contest before it ends. It seems whoever I hate the most wins whatever contest I'm following.
Now on to the NBC's "The Biggest Loser".
I've ranted on this before. Actually, one of my first rants and my first rave was about the show. I picked the winner in only 3 episodes, since the broad I can't stand won the whole thing.
Now, let me say right off the bat that I have to hand it to this lady. ( I use the term loosely) I don't have the strength to lose half my body weight in 5 months. I also don't live at a ranch where I can work out all day either.
But I digress.
I don't like this woman because of her character. In the beginning of the season, there were two couples who were parent/child. Ron and Mike were one, this freak Helen and her daughter Shannon were another. Mike's dad Ron said from the start that he would do anything to keep his son there and losing pounds, but when one of the girls had to go home, Helen decided to stay and let her daughter hit the road.
Great parenting, Helen. Way to go.
The next reason she irked me was when she herself was up for elimination, she begged and cried to stay and got to. Then, when she was the one who had to vote someone off, she told another contestant she just wanted to enjoy the power she had over someone else.
Nice role model you are, toots.
Then there is the constant shameless self congratulating. Everything she did, she had to tell the world how proud she was of herself. If she tied her own shoes, we got a 10 minute crying jag letting us know how a 48 year old woman never thought she could do it.
Way to stay strong, Helen.
So some of the contestants got some free time at a spa, and what does our winner do? She starts drinking shots and smoking.
How's that for promoting health and fitness? I know I want to join that program.
"Wanna work out?"
"Nah, let's get drunk and smoke these cigarettes!"
So then she goes home for the big push to the final show. She didn't go back to her job, instead hiring not one, but three personal trainers to get herself in a place to win the big money.
That's showing America that you can lose weight at home. Just quit your job, and use your wealth to hire professionals to help you lose weight, so you then get $250,000. Oh wait, you don't get the money in the real world.
All the contestants said throughout the entire show that it wasn't the money they were after, it was the happy life they would have after getting healthy. Never heard that from our winner. Clearly, she was in it for the glory she never had before.
So she won. What did she say she was going to do with the money? She wants to get plastic surgery. Namely, a boob job. That's the spirit! Show the world that the way to fitness isn't from pills and surgery, but diet and exercise. Then take the money and run to the doctor and get fake breasts.
What a winner!
When asked what was next for her, she said she wanted to start a health center in the Detroit area, and be a motivational speaker. What is she going to tell people? Quit your job, ignore your family, work out with professionals, and then have plastic surgery. That's what Detroit needs!
Make no mistake. This thing called Helen is the biggest loser I have ever seen. Period.
So it seems my superpowers are at full power. All I have to do is not like a contestant, and they win.
For my next superpower, I will be able to break the most foul wind without ever making a sound.
Oh wait...I already got that one, too.
Peace.